Playdates

Minnow had a playdate come over after school for the first time recently. The child is 7 years old and this was really her first official playdate. I kind of feel embarrassed even admitting that because it doesn't seem right, especially since Abel and I didn't exactly initiate this playdate. Minnow has always done really REALLY well at keeping herself occupied so it hadn't really occurred to either of us that playdates were necessary. That is, until her first one. Let's just say, the behavior displayed by our sweet little Minnow had me fearing the worst, envisioning life 10 years down the road. Maybe it's a selfish motivation, but I am acutely aware that the time we invest in Minnow NOW will determine our future happiness. The happiness of us as a family and the happiness that Abel and I will share together. It's very important to me....this happiness.

After Minnow had fallen asleep after that first playdate, I shared a nice long chat with Abel about how concerned I was. These things, these issues, they seem to really concern me a lot more than they do Abel. I was having a bit of a minor meltdown, actually. I had convinced myself that the damage was done. That Minnow would forever have issues and will definitely need therapy as soon as possible. I'm really not normally this dramatic of a person, I swear. Even I was getting sick of hearing myself obsess over this issue.

Take two. Another playdate, same kid. Again, not initiated by us. You mean, OUR kid didn't scare off YOUR kid the first time? So the playdate goes and ends again, not so well. Something is different this time though. Different with Abel. For the first time ever, he is admitting defeat. "I feel like I've failed as a parent," he tells me. I assure him he hasn't. Still, I feel some sense of relief that he is admitting that things aren't right. Finally, he is taking this as seriously as me and I feel really good about that. Sometimes he is so laid back about parenting that I resent the energy and thought that I put into it myself. Even so, I want to talk about this again and he doesn't. He is tired. "I can't just FORCE her to play well with other kids here if she doesn't WANT to," he says. This statement alone worries me, therefore, the conversation is definitely not ending. Then, Abel finally says something to redeem himself. It's so simple really, though I hadn't thought of it myself. He tells me that maybe Minnow and the kid are too similar in personality. "You know how the baby ducks just follow Minnow around the yard," he says. "Maybe she just needs a friend over that will follow her around and let her do the decision-making." That's all I had to hear. That was THE valid point of all valid points. Bring out playdate kid #2.

(to be continued...)